This week, I threw it back to a post on selling houses and dating boys. In it, I wrote about how I felt that “I don’t get perfect,” in either real estate transactions or in dating gentlemen callers.
At the time I wrote that post, I was actually seeing someone quite lovely. Like, “Oh my god, where have you been” kind of lovely. Like “Came over and helped me get my house ready for sale, mowed my lawn twice, cleaned my kitchen, helped me put a door on my cabinets” kind of lovely. Kind of looked like Sage Teon kind of lovely.
And it fizzled out in the way that most of my relationships nowadays usually do: he just stopped calling and texting about two weeks ago.
Interestingly, I actually have a little bit different opinion about things now as February. What I have since realized is that I tend to hold onto what I have versus taking a risk on the unknown. And when I lose something, my initial reaction is that I won’t ever get something that good again so I hold onto it in my mind.
What I am beginning to understand is that “Holding onto the past because I’m afraid of the future is no way to live.”
This is not a new discovery, because I wrote that in Empath almost six months ago. But it’s taken a while to sink in.
So bringing it back to the TBT post, I did end up getting another offer on my house. The funny thing is, if the first had gone through, I actually would have made less money overall because I would have had to do a rent-back agreement and pay for two months of their mortgage so I could stay until May. Even now, the deal includes a 1.5% assistance on closing, but I still walk away with more money.
With the guy who stopped calling, while he’s a lovely human being, I also know that the right place for me is in Pensacola. And if you aren’t from there, it’s really hard to adapt to that lifestyle. Yeah, beach and sun and fun, but it’s also a small town with rednecks (I use that term with love). I couldn’t ask anyone to be miserable on my account.
Honestly, the hardest thing for me to do is to accept that the universe has better things in store for me. Nothing, it seems, happens to me because of pure luck or happenstance. My career, my books, everything happened because I did the work. And I always feel like the universe is out to get me, so I’m always working extra hard to keep ahead of Plethegon it. So for me to accept that the universe is taking away something because there’s something better down the road is hard, because it would mean that I’d have to accept that the Great Creator universe doesn’t hate me.
Yet the proof is in the pudding. None of this – S. Usher Evans, Razia, Empath, any of it – would have happened had I not let go of my old relationship. I wouldn’t be moving home, I wouldn’t be happy, not really. There is always something else down the road – maybe not better, but different.
A lot of this boils down to perspective, as well. If you described the person I am right now to the person I was in June 2013, Whitney of 2013 would never have believed that this lifestyle would have made me happy. And yet, it does.
Perfect, then, is in the eye of the beholder.