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I have Enough / I am Content

Lately, my anxiety has been a little more active than usual. It’s a combination of spending a lot of time in front of Twitter, having a lot more downtime because both The Island and Fusion went a lot quicker than I thought, and just general unease about quitting my job in a few weeks. I kept trying to figure out how to calm myself down, from taking a Social Media Hiatus to exercising to singing. But all of the anxiety kept coming back, which meant that there was something else going on.

Disclaimer: This is my own personal self-care with my anxiety. Your mileage may vary.

I went to the beach on Friday (HAH YES IN THE MIDDLE OF OCTOBER #IloveFlorida) and meditated for a while. What I came to understand is that I have been, as usual, scared of the unknown. Worried that I’m not doing enough to secure my future. Fearful that everything is going to disappear.

I have all that I need in this moment – friends, cash, a house, and my October, February, and April releases complete(ish) – and yet it wasn’t enough. Because in the next moment, in the next year, in the next decade–all of that is unknown. I have been worried about Beginnings and The Chasm precisely because they aren’t written, even though I don’t have to begin work until November. I have plenty of savings to last me a few months, but what happens in a year when they run out? My mind wants to solve next year’s problems today.

I have no idea where I’ll be next year. Perhaps Razia will take off. Perhaps the Island will get picked up by an agent and publisher and I’ll get a lovely cash advance. Maybe I’ll meet a rich husband. Maybe (more likely) I’ll pick up on the freelancing or get a job at the coffee shop. The point is–these are not worries I have to concern myself with now.

I began to formulate a mantra to help reshape my brain patterns when the worries take over. I came up with the following:

20151019_iamenough

It’s one of those really simple phrases that says so much. I do have enough for this moment, and in this moment, I am content. That is all I need to worry about right now.

Now that I’ve been meditating on this mantra for a day or so, I already feel loads better. I’m not concerned with the NEXT thing and the NEXT item, I’m simply living in this moment. Whenever that fluttering begins anew, I simply breathe in, “I have enough” and breathe out, “I am content” until it passes.

What are some of the ways that you deal with worries and fears?

Published inSelf-Love
  • Kristin Paine Wallin

    Anxiety gets to us all. Even as I am excited about finishing my student teaching, there is a lot of anxiety about finding a job to pay for the loans that have been stacking up. Celebrating successes is important. It helps us put another solid foot on the ground as we pursue the path that seems to be fleeing before us.

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